In the multitude truths
mine was a speck of my story
intertwined with your perspective of it
hindering me to visualise how it actually happened
I end up not being so sure about my own past
while the disaster in my head dances on my failure to claim
my own pain because I always compare it to yours
while infliction of it – you think is my choice
but you do it yourself without knowing
that is why good hearts are streaked with confusion
and those with noise are always sure.
Rock and roll was hectic and
the songs of solitude were singing homeless souls
the vulnerable priest crying and
virgins finishing their goals
coffins caught up with the deadbeat lives
life chalking trials for destinys wife
fate doesn’t succumb to the ill-fated while
another task to do with a smile
meanwhile the chorus shunned all background sounds
cords struck around the neck
on the surround speaker ofcourse
righteous shouted on the songs course
singing away the destinys bride
women waiting to finish their misguided life.
I hear you my girl
like the silence that screeches
through the skies
in hope of your noise
to be loud
I hear you my girl
in our silos we all are proud.
but I will ignore you my love
because you are not my life
some other day when I will be you
I will squeeze this pain out of you
and I will then pay the price
of not being by your side.
To the women I see fighting daily but don’t help because of so many fears. Fear of my immediate family, fear of being judged myself, fear of their own future.
what if love was primal
not this flowery state of mind
I heard the cats and dogs whisper
they too felt the need to define
but they were soon disinterested in the thought
like their primal fits
it was short
but a man kept bugging the concept
created content
published the stress
the first love musters me
makes me mushy weak in my knees
I cripple the senses
fuse the bulbs and
muse the nulls
in expectations of that first look
into the souls
I keep baring mine
gathering my own flames I wander
island to island
and everything opens up for me to define
the beauty rises
with the sunsets
where a smile to myself
alone staring at the beds
of anywhere I would go
I can imagine of so many women I know
but I dont
just smiling at myself for that special one
faith in heart
I await the one
she enters into my dreams
through the yellow cab
wandering alone
I pause to gasp
how do they behold these moments of truth?
how do they stare pretending not to look?
I am unaware of shame
and in being lame
I just walk behind her
not looking like a trailing dog
shying seeing changing lanes
I follow her like insane
she pauses
smiles
tweaks her head
30 degree to right
what else is love at first sight?
if the godesses in temples could walk
would they stay
such beauty should belong to one
I would pray
she would not belong
longing for her worshippers
she would be gone
another morning
I would say other names
some were dedicated to ease my pain
some were looking to make their gains
some were plain ugly
some were profoundly insane
some were like me
soul searching their own nemesis name
but the search made me figure this out
that we all are primal
in one or other way
some in our searches
and some in our need to stay.
Don’t ask me for courage
I dropped it in the nutshell of peace
The wolves hunted my bravery
My women was put to leash
The girls who giggled at wake of puberty
Silenced themselves in the hook ups of past
The men who surfaced
Went mad trying to make them last
Hunted were hunters and they did the same
Each relentlessly becoming insane
When there is no path that you can lay
All paths eventually lead astray
Always a flag on horizon
For which they would ride
People told me to go there to hide
I reached there
And came back to save my sight
Blisters of my journey still wake me up in the nights
I smile when Old and Content
Means to have paid all the price.
How do you speak to beauty?
How long you bask in its while?
How long do you bother?
by how it ties through its golden threads of warmth
it knits me in a cocoon
where I am left to think that nothing will evolve
the stage will cease to honor the actor
and the play would never complete
because I won’t let it
in the moments that I gasp
out of you
my own breath belittles me
on syncing with you
there is no butterfly when I it open up
the enchantment always completes itself
when love goes full circle
all works well only when
I remain enchanted
and think that the cocoon is my life.
Oh master! I look up to you
not into you
with my love
It is true
and yet you fail me
and my surrender
saying its not complete
Oh master! looking into you
was not wise
it would have let
to same demise
Oh master! I just wish
to make you wise
let it be the peripheral love
for a peek inside told me
you, like me,
are a lot of beautiful and ugly bees
within your soft beehive
and I don’t want to become that small
to enter
and grow inside you
then to break the softness
and let the stings out
to free myself
nor I want you to kill me
because of the pain
it is to accommodate another person
accept please as I said
I look up to you
not into you.
I minutely look at a poem
study it word to word
I dont understand!
tough words
I pick up a dictionary
and find the words
relate the meaning and
construct a sentence
I forget what I was reading
and meaning is again gone
I read the line again
I get it now
by this time my grammar has improved
but the flow is gone
and I find the meanings impractical
or rather I found it nonsense
to go into poetry
with the words I didn’t felt
I wonder if great poets loved themselves
Or they just loved to plague poetry like everything else.
I am that slimy substance
you find me in the water
anywhere on the rocks
When water gave me birth out of its smoothness
I slipped to become that algae
because I am in love with water
I dont find my land
but water takes me to places
where I dont want go
I try to let go
but as soon as I find my earth
it pulls me again
for it wants me to just keep flowing
with its inconsistent moods
And the air of its own surface doesn’t bother it
because it pushes me instead
and I take the pleasure
and again slip
I go on till I am dissolved
Or left to be.
No you don’t say
That you have been hurt
For hurt is your conception
Of my actions
Which you defined
By the conditioning you already had
But my conditioning had a different name
And hence now you don’t believe my actions
And I mutter about the insensitivity
Of your extreme sensitiveness
Which sensitizes only your senses
For yourself
Not for me
But you say I was wrong
Tell me how was I wrong?
Then again
Lost in yourself
You would not have an answer.
That small puny trust you placed in me
maybe I did break it
but not in those million pieces that you did of mine
I did not collect those pieces back the last time
and didnt make myself whole again
I just dragged that one bit left in me
and wished for all others to follow
In that way maybe I was wrong
but the wrong bit is left with you
and it has not followed me yet
It says it is there
for you to feel right
After all I do understand your plight.
my credit card expires in 2017
along with few other relations
ingeniously I filtered the ones I would keep
and this particular card also had its promotional treats
it had costed me a lot to build up the points
few heartbreaks, some sorry’s and thank you’s are still in line
I also adjusted my expenditure to the income I earned
but financial losses were not the ones that burned
The points though never got converted into any gift
So I need to decide if its worthy to be in this fix
or along with other things I should just let it go
in hopes that with the new year there will be more.
Each time it pains
There is an echo of your name
For that minute my soul leaves my body
And I find it sitting next to you
Wondering if that sweet scent of your’s is still the same.
I had lot of headaches
But you were the best
In my mind you’d put me to rest
And start carving me from nerve to nerve
My left brain was already under your charm
My right brain was doing itself the harm
Condemning me of the logics you’d give
It would reprimand me and make you forgive
The heart was in silent distraught
Because my lungs thought your air was hot
Breathing fast, slowly they ended the crime
I became aware of the missing spine
With that headache gone I had my own regrets
But I have to say
Your heartache was the best.
He was her winter
and she hated cold
With his own love
He was there to make her bold
She was his spring
Changing colors all the time
He never could know
What to behold
and how to define
Inside myself is a place where I live alone
And that is where I go to renew my springs
The oasis is deep and is filled by the mistakes of my past
I bath in them each day, that is how I last
Every day I filter from it the weeds
Which try to creep back into my deeds
That’s is how I stand apart
I push back my damaged parts.
She
followed the logic in his mind to
reason the ways of her emotions while
He
remained perplexed by the application of it.
Would you come to me in my dreams and stare at me
Like you stare at those bills and budgets
With the same interest will you study me,
add, deduct, multiply the prices that I pay
Deduce the cost for this month to be subtle, serene, patient
and deduct it then with the reminders of the tasks
that I would have to do to keep us tallied in our love.
The prophecy is that you will proclaim your love
sooner or later
before you die
The reality lingers that you will still have to try
So, just give in to the bitch
Or, make a king of that snob
Because in doing both there is but a fine line
Maybe I am that bitch
and you are that snob of mine
My love for you could be a nightmare of yours
Similarly your love for me, doesn’t feel so divine
In the oceans I searched
On the mountains I galloped to be found
Through the rivers I streamed
In my scariest dreams I screamed
I looked everywhere where my weeds were sown
He was deep in my little garden
Planting seeds of his own.
In the eyes of street dog, peek, look hard into its soul, the dog will talk. The meadows, the stalk, rainbows and broken hearts they all talk
But what about those little things that you daily do and are not able to put into them your heart
Just try to be here, here I mean where you are, look at what you doing, enjoy, don’t make your day so hard
I agree life is not easy when you ignore and behave like just another retard
Funny feeling in my bones
charred, but smoky nice
looks like I was on fire but didn’t notice
too obliged making you feel alright
while falling smooth and nice
being human was my plight
And, more funny when I choked
you said it was something I didn’t eat right
Aren’t you just a beautiful sore sight
those lucky unconcerned eyes
Here let me help you kill me, my dear
my living might be an ugly ride
don’t make it slow in my name
just stab me already
later, I still might be alright
Please just say already someone else’s name
don’t make my love a bitch’s game.
I sleep alone in my dungeons still this smell surrounds me like you are sniffing into my air and breathing back the fragrance at me, now, mixed with your scent because when I wake up I am enchanted by you, and when I sleep back again pretending to be with you I am actually alone in those dungeons I hear echoes still
“Is it me or is it you?”
Think of me when you think of us and it will always be the other way round
I to you, and to you, I surround
There in your unconquered depths I reside, while you wander in me the same way with your prying eyes
When I am with you I miss you and when I am not I miss you more
In the spiral winds of love I keep circling from your to my core.
inapoem 